My coping mechanisms were insane, harmful and illogical, dismantling the myth of
their efficacy meant I was no longer able to use them and I was cast adrift in limbo space.

Suspended over a chasm and stretched to almost breaking,
holding each edge by just the tips of my fingers and toes.

The animation takes place in late summer in London the hot sky is an intense deep blue.

The noises of sirens and the city whirl around as I climb the struts of the
gasometer cylinder. My jumper whips around me more urgently as I go higher.

At the top, only the wind is audible.
I can feel my breath shorten in the adrenaline.

The top steel is only as wide as the bridge of my bare feet.

The wind whips me.
I throw my arms out.

I can feel cold wet steel grounding me as I spread my feet apart,
trying to balance onthis narrow precipice.

The wind continues to howl around me.
I witness myself from behind and above.

Suspended between fight and flight.

Behind is the fear. The fallacy of the known fears.
Habits that whisper, ‘we’ll keep you safe,’ caution breeding fear.

In front is surrender, surrender to others, to a different way of life,
to acceptinghelp, to being seen, to being open, to trust,
to the unknown to a promise, to god knows what,

I cant stand here forever in this intense place.
Emotions flickering through me.
I try to be still. I try to breathe .

I find that I can channel some strength from the elements .
The charged particles in the cold steel and in the air
rushing past my fingers and through my hair .

I can feel the ends of all my hairs reaching out
alert, awake, ready, making me bigger.

I bend my knees, I start to feel powerful.
Strong, electrified, and eventually calmer.

Calm enough to take a step.